The One Who Motivated Everyone Else

I have often been described as a motivator for others. Someone who encourages. Someone who helps people see their strength when they don’t see it themselves.

That part is true.

What is harder to say out loud is that sometimes, while you are lifting others, you are quietly carrying your own doubts. Not because you lack self-esteem. Not because you don’t know who you are or what you bring. But because confidence, when constantly challenged in unhealthy environments, can be worn down over time.

There is a difference between having weak self-esteem and being placed under leadership that chips away at you.

Many people say, “Just believe in yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not good enough.” And while that sounds empowering, it ignores a hard reality. When the person overseeing your work, your evaluations, your reputation, and your professional future consistently speaks to you through criticism, omission, and negativity, it does something. Especially when this happens not once, but year after year.

It becomes heavy.

What makes this even more confusing is when the people you lead tell you something different. When staff thank you for your support. When they tell you that your leadership gave them courage. When they feel safe, seen, and motivated under your guidance.

You pause.

Because you start to wonder how two realities can exist at the same time.

How can the people you serve feel strengthened by your leadership, while the person above you only sees deficiency?

This is where many strong leaders begin to second-guess themselves, not because they are incapable, but because they are working under leaders who lack confidence. Leaders who feel threatened by strength instead of grounded by it. Leaders who confuse control with leadership. Leaders who lead from insecurity rather than service.

And that is the truth that many people don’t want to say out loud.

Not everyone is meant to be a leader.

Leadership requires humility. It requires the ability to put yourself last and the people you serve first. It requires consistency, kindness, fairness, and the capacity to uplift without favoritism. Real leadership does not pick and choose who deserves encouragement.

When leadership lacks these qualities, it takes a toll, not just professionally, but mentally and emotionally.

This story is not about me lacking confidence. I know my skills. I know my impact. I know the work I have done and the lives I have touched.

This story is about what happens when strong people remain in spaces led by those who are not equipped to lead them.

What I have learned, and what I want others to hear, is this:
If a leadership environment consistently diminishes you, it is not your responsibility to stay and absorb the damage. You can try. You can hope. You can work harder. But unhealthy leadership rarely transforms simply because you endure it.

At some point, sustainability matters.

Fit matters.

Your mental wellness matters.

This story is not written for sympathy. It is written for clarity. It is written for the person who feels confused, worn down, or quietly questioning themselves despite knowing their worth.

Sometimes the most powerful decision a leader can make is to remove themselves from a space that no longer serves them, and choose an environment where their strengths are not threatened, but valued.

That, too, is leadership.

By: Dr. Cynthia Skyers