Struggling with Mistrust After Betrayal: Leading Through Connection Even When Trust is Broken

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Trust is easy to break and hard to build. I learned early that what people say and what they do often don’t match, which changed how I lead, engage, and show up.

Rebuilding Trust in Self and Systems

Reflective Note: As you read, reflect on the relationships you lead or serve within, the ones shaped by unspoken history, unfulfilled promises, and the ways your own trust has been tested. What does genuine connection look like when trust is fractured?

From a young age, I learned the hard lesson: trust can be betrayed.
I was molested. I carried the silence. I came to America and confided in my aunt, who had committed to protect me, yet allowed my pain to continue. At six years old, I heard promises (“No man will stay in the home”) and immediately noticed the lie when I saw one. This realization embedded deep mistrust.

As I moved into the workforce in early childhood education, in roles as director, education coordinator, and education manager, I observed how leaders claimed one thing and did another. Promises went unfulfilled, transparency was lacking, and hidden biases influenced decisions. One day, I was told I was fully qualified for a position, then passed over for reasons never fully disclosed, reinforcing what I already suspected: promises can be broken.

And it did more than erode trust. It made me second-guess everything.
I questioned every promise. I overthought every interaction. A sense of anxiety quietly took hold, wondering if I could trust the words spoken, whether help offered was genuine, or if I would once again be let down. That constant vigilance breeds fatigue.

Yet there was another voice in me: This cannot define how I lead.
I refused to be molded into a bitter leader. Instead, I chose a different path because the children, staff, and communities I served deserved authenticity. I believed my past was not only about what happened to me, but about what I’d do with it.

In my leadership journey, I pledged to be as honest and transparent as possible with my staff, because I know what it is to lead from a place of caution and uncertainty. I know what it’s like to wait for the other shoe to drop. And so, I offer consistency, presence, and integrity.

Not everyone welcomes that kind of authenticity. Some prefer comfort over challenge; they prefer being soothed rather than seeing truths. That’s okay. But I will not trade authenticity for approval.

Trust in an organization is harder when the past has taught you to question. But it can be restored, for you, for your team, and for those who will follow. My purpose remains: to return to the community where I grew up and say, "Your past does not disqualify you." Someone else’s broken promise does not define your potential. Your trust can be healed through your integrity, your consistency, and your willingness to lead in connection.

Wellness Insight

Organizational trust is more than a nice-to-have; it’s a cornerstone of engagement, well-being, and performance. Research shows that when leaders consistently demonstrate authenticity and follow-through, they build higher levels of psychological safety and staff resilience. (Harvard Business Review) Moreover, when individuals carry histories of betrayal or mistrust, they are more prone to anxiety, overthinking, and second-guessing decisions in the workplace, which affects presence, focus, and relational capacity. (Frontiers in Psychology, On Trust and Workplace Anxiety) Therefore, leaders who offer aligned action, where words and deeds match, nurture connection, rebuild engagement, and transform mistrust into meaningful collaboration.

Reflection for Readers

• What promises (spoken or unspoken) have you seen broken, by others or by yourself?

• How has mistrust influenced the way you lead or engage with your team?

• What concrete step can you take today to show consistency between your words and your actions?

Key Takeaway

Trust is a foundation.
When it’s fractured, how you rebuild matters.
Lead with transparency. Honor your commitments. Choose connection over protection.

Organizational Bridge to SILWELL-C

This story reminds organizations that each person carries a story of trust, betrayal, or guarded hope, and those stories influence how they show up. In organizational culture, it’s not enough to assign roles and leave them at that. Authentic leadership recognizes the human story behind the role and invites connection, consistency, and authenticity. With SILWELL-C, we help organizations move from performance-only metrics to people-first cultures where trust isn’t assumed, it’s earned and renewed.

Organizational Reflection

• Who on your team is operating with guarded trust rather than open engagement?

• Which organizational practices might inadvertently reinforce mistrust (e.g., broken promises, opaque decisions, inconsistent messaging)?

• What systems can you implement to ensure that words and actions align — building trust through visible behaviors?

Where story meets science, strength grows through understanding.

• Kampmann, A. (2022). Using Storytelling to Promote Organizational Resilience. Springer. [https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s41471-022-00143-x]

• “How Leaders Build Trust.” Harrietbrace Editor, Harvard Business Review. May 2023. [https://hbr.org/2023/05/what-makes-storytelling-so-effective-for-learning]

• “The Effect of Servant Leadership on Work Resilience.” (2022). Frontiers in Psychology. [https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1441660/full]

• Sasse-Werhahn, N. et al. (2023). Narratives as a Tool for Practically Wise Leadership. Humanistic Management Journal. [https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s41463-023-00148-6]