Protecting Your Self-WorthWhen Other People's Treatment Starts Changing How You See Yourself

Have you ever been in an environment where people made you feel like you didn't matter?

Not because you weren't doing your job.

Not because you weren't knowledgeable.

Not because you hadn't contributed.

But simply by the way you were treated.

Your ideas were dismissed. Your feelings didn't seem to matter. Your knowledge was questioned. Maybe people talked over you, excluded you, ignored your contributions, or treated you differently from everyone else.

After a while, something like that can begin to affect you.

And that's why I want to talk about self-worth.

Your Worth Didn't Begin With Them

Here's something I think we have to remind ourselves of.

The people you work with did not give you your value.

Your supervisor didn't give it to you.

Your coworkers didn't give it to you.

Upper management didn't give it to you.

And HR didn't give it to you either.

So why would we give any of them the power to take it away?

Your worth exists because you exist.

You deserve respect because you're a human being. You deserve to be treated with dignity. Your thoughts matter. Your feelings matter. Your presence matters.

Not because of your title.

Not because of your degrees.

Not because of how much money you make.

Not because of what you've accomplished.

And not because someone in authority has decided that you're valuable.

You already are.

Be Careful What You Start Believing

This is where unhealthy environments can become dangerous.

If someone dismisses you once, you may recognize that the behavior isn't okay.

But what happens when it happens repeatedly?

Day after day.

Month after month.

Maybe even year after year.

Eventually you can start questioning yourself.

Maybe I am the problem.

Maybe I'm not as good as I thought I was.

Maybe I don't belong here.

Maybe my ideas really don't matter.

That's why protecting your self-worth isn't just something nice to talk about.

It's necessary.

Because if you hear something about yourself long enough, especially when it comes from someone who has authority over you, you can begin carrying their voice around inside your own head.

And that's when their treatment of you has followed you home.

Not Everyone Will Value What You Bring

This can be difficult to accept.

There will be people who simply don't like you.

Sometimes you'll know why.

Sometimes you won't.

It could be your confidence.

Your personality.

Your happiness.

Your success.

The way you communicate.

The way you dress.

The way you carry yourself.

Or maybe there isn't a reason that will ever make sense to you.

I've seen situations where someone else's joy seemed to irritate a person who was deeply unhappy themselves.

You cannot spend your life trying to become acceptable to everyone around you.

And you definitely shouldn't have to make yourself smaller so someone else can feel bigger.

We all bring our own experiences, insecurities, hurts, and struggles into the spaces we enter. But those struggles do not give any of us permission to dehumanize someone else.

You can have compassion for what another person may be carrying without allowing them to unload it onto you.

What Happens When Leadership Is Part of the Problem?

This becomes much harder when the person making you feel this way has authority over you.

You may try to follow the appropriate process.

You talk to your supervisor.

You document what's happening.

You go to upper management.

You contact Human Resources because you believe someone will recognize that what is happening isn't right.

And sometimes they do.

But sometimes they don't.

Sometimes the people or systems you believed were there to protect employees remain silent.

Sometimes they minimize what's happening.

And yes, sometimes they become part of the problem.

That can leave you feeling even more powerless.

But here's something I want you to remember:

Someone else's failure to stand up for you does not mean you stop standing up for yourself.

Staying Isn't Always Simple

I also understand that saying, “Just leave,” is easy.

Actually leaving isn't.

People have mortgages.

Families.

Health insurance.

Retirement.

Years invested in a career.

Bills that don't stop because your workplace is unhealthy.

Sometimes you cannot walk out tomorrow.

But you can begin making a plan.

There is a difference between being temporarily unable to leave and convincing yourself that you deserve what is happening because you have nowhere else to go.

You can update your résumé.

Start looking at opportunities.

Reconnect with people in your professional network.

Save money where you can.

Explore another career path.

Talk with people you trust.

Get support.

And while you're preparing your exit, keep reminding yourself:

This environment is where I work. It is not who I am.

Don't Wait for Someone Else to Save You

Sometimes we keep waiting.

Waiting for the person to change.

Waiting for leadership to notice.

Waiting for HR to intervene.

Waiting for someone to finally say, “This isn't okay.”

And maybe they will.

But what if they don't?

At some point, protecting your self-worth may mean deciding that you are no longer waiting for someone else to give you permission to protect yourself.

Maybe you can't leave today.

But you can begin preparing.

Maybe you can't change the environment.

But you can stop allowing the environment to tell you who you are.

Maybe nobody else is coming to rescue you.

And as difficult as that realization can be, there is also power in it.

You can begin saving yourself.

Remember Who You Were Before This Place

Before that supervisor.

Before that coworker.

Before that meeting.

Before that evaluation.

Before that rejection.

Before someone decided your voice didn't matter.

Who were you?

That person is still there.

Your knowledge didn't disappear because someone refused to acknowledge it.

Your accomplishments didn't disappear because someone minimized them.

Your value didn't disappear because someone couldn't see it.

And your self-worth should never depend on whether another person chooses to recognize it.

An Orchid Story Reflection 🌸

If you are currently in an environment where you are constantly being made to feel less than, I want you to ask yourself something:

What is staying here teaching me to believe about myself?

And then ask:

Is that belief actually true?

You deserve dignity.

You deserve respect.

You deserve to exist in spaces where you don't have to constantly prove that you are worthy of being treated like a human being.

And if you're not in a position to leave today, start thinking about what protecting yourself can look like while you prepare for something different.

Don't wait until someone has torn down so much of your confidence that you no longer recognize yourself.

Know who you are.

Know what you bring.

Know your worth.

And remember:

Other people may decide how they treat you.

But you get to decide what you are willing to accept.

Have you ever had an experience where someone's treatment of you started affecting the way you saw yourself?

Or are you experiencing that now?

If you feel comfortable, leave a comment and share your experience. Someone reading your words may need to know that they aren't the only person who has felt this way.

Unhealthy treatment should never become so common that we begin calling it normal.

It's not normal. And it's not okay.